In my house, the men (the short supply we have thereof) seem to be in a constant battle to see who can pee on the toilet seat the most. As such, the women have taken up the sport of seeing who can master the art of ensuring that someone ELSE gets stuck cleaning it up. *gross* I mean, seriously people… it can’t be that difficult – lift, pee, flush, lower – if it’s THAT difficult, just remember that the first and last things you need to do when urinating involve the toilet SEAT. Ugh; men…

Moving on in my bathroom manners rant, I have developed a $10 per month toothbrush budget. Yes, toothbrush. Why? Because my lovely *disgusting* husband simply grabs the first toothbrush that compliments his reach and there’s a one out of seven chance that it’s MINE. I don’t *do* other people’s oral germs. This would be the reason that I’ve never really been a french kisser – yes, even after 8 years of marriage, we still do the “peck” thing. There’s not many things I can imagine that are more gag-worthy than the thought of my TOOTHBRUSH scrubbing away at someone else’s tooth butter. <cringe>

Picture this:

Ahhh… <stretch> It’s a beautiful morning… Thank You, Lord, for allowing me to see this wonderful day. Oh, look – there are my slippers. Let me slide my feet in and get started about my day. Hmm, the kids need to get in here and clean up the playroom. Ugh, someone’s in the bathroom. <wait, wait, wait> GOOD MORNING, honey! Excuse me… let me get in there and – PAUSE – … WHOOOOOOOO USED MY FREAKIN TOOTHBRUSH AGAIN?!?!?! <grabs wet toothbrush and begins parading it around the house as proof of this horrid personal injustice> BARRY!!!!!! YOUR toothbrush is the BLUE one – or even the RED one that you used of mine last week that I REPLACED with this GRAY one that is the ONLY BIG people toothbrush in our bathroom that I have clearly asked you NOT to use. <continues with evidentiary support from the scientific community as well as the ADA as to why individuals should not use one another’s toothbrushes, including the fact that the mouth is only the nastiest part of the entire human BODY!> NOTE TO SELF: take a breath. Whoosah!

His response:

Chill out, man… it’s just a toothbrush!

Okay, come on people – JUST a toothbrush? I’m sorry… I don’t know how most couples operate in their bathrooms but to me toothbrushes are to be shared just about as much as TOILET PAPER is to be shared. And, while we’re on that, dear hubby – is the urine that you so liberally apply to our toilet seat also community property? Because I have to admit it turns my stomach and it seems as though a grown man of 27 years would at least have reached mastery level in the skill of going potty. Mkay? Thanks.

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